Acceptance and Trust have historically been things in life that just didn't resonate with me. I've struggled with trusting myself in many ways: achieving success, maintaining health, pursuing interests, cultivating friendships... the list goes on and on. No matter how hard I tried to 'listen to myself' or act on instinct, this voice inside of my head would always seem to get in the way. Analyzing and recalculating all possible actions until a seemingly flawless and widely accepted path presented itself. This was the path to choose. No matter that most of the time this paths was in total opposition to my own wants, and even my own NEEDS.... This was THE way. Buck up, Smile, and Go.
A lot of this stems from a long-standing total incapacity to Accept. Accepting the reality of the present is
huge in learning how to trust. Without trust, one begins to rely on Control. Control nurtures Expectation. Expectation breeds an unwillingness to Accept.
Well. These days my attitude has changed. It has been a long, incredibly difficult, and still challenging path to get and STAY here. I don't even fully understand the journey which lies behind nor ahead, but I do know that I am enjoying being Here, Now.
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